Classifieds

To place an advertisement, do not call extension 3107.

Have you seen this intern?

Answers to “the intern”. Last seen holding a coffee. Do not ask him to confirm anything.

Lost & found

Lost. Several billion. Last seen 09:14, leaving the building. If found, please do not press anything.

Found. One visitor’s pass, floor 31. Floor 31 says it is not theirs.

Lost. One Enter key, desk 14. Now in an evidence bag. Do not claim.

Head of desk. Must be able to fetch a coffee in under five minutes. The previous holder left no forwarding address.

Intern. Must not press Enter. Coffee provided, under supervision. Unpaid.

Lift engineer. Lift slows down between floors 30 and 32 for no reason. Do not investigate.

The Lobby Café

Ground floor. Flat whites, croissants. Open from seven. Two coffees for the price of two.

We have no table 31.

Office chair, still spinning. One careful owner. Collection from desk 14.

Keyboard, 104 keys, one missing. Price on application.

Lanyard, blue, slightly used. Badge not included. Badge is not for sale.

To the man at table 31: you left your croissant. See you upstairs? The Lobby Café.

Intern, you were very brave. Please keep the badge. A friend upstairs.

W.S. 07: window delivered at 09:07 as agreed. Cancel was not needed.

Mum, I’m fine. They gave me a desk. Don’t ring the bank, they say I don’t work there.

Beware of imitations

Any $INTRN on sale today is not ours. The real one will be announced in this newspaper.

Office to let, 31st floor. Quiet, private, not shown on any plan. Viewing by appointment. Ask for nobody.

Shredding, same day, no questions asked. Collection from the 31st floor only. Ext. 3107.

Lessons: how to say no. One hour. Interns half price.

A face. Young, eager, unpaid. Must be willing to keep a badge. Apply floor 31.

Information about floor 31. Compliance would like to know. Official channels only: @TheRogueIntern, Telegram.